I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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