My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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