lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
