Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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