who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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