I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
