I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
