haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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