i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
