I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
