did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
