I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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