i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
