I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
