His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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