I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
