The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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