I heard we made out
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
