Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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