Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
