And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
