you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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