Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
