and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
