Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
