just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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