bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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