Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
