perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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