I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
foreskin is a definite game changer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
