so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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