ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
