Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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