I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
