i would punch a child for taco bell
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
