I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
