and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
