Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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