all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
