seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
