Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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