when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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