I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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