the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
