if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Mom said you looked used
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
