Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
