I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
