the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We need to rekindle our bromance
it's not cheating when I paid for it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
