I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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