i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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