drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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